


The Broken Soldier

by TheConsultingTImelady



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Multi, Trigger warning depression and suïcide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 16:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConsultingTImelady/pseuds/TheConsultingTImelady
Summary: After the fall John tries to move on.But sometimes trying is not enough





	The Broken Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote this  
> Comments are always welcome

‘’No Lestrade I am fine’’

John spoke as he held the phone in his trembling hands.  
‘’Don't worry about me I am fine, I Just dont feel like going out for a pint ’’ and with a quick motion he disconnected ‘’

"LIAR’’ the voices spoke in his head. 

To be true John had no idea when they appeared, but it was not long after Sherlock.. his friend.. best friend .. lover had jumped. 

The doctor had given up the physiatrist soon after that, she could not help him hell NO one could. 

Every once in a while he would see the form of Sherlock –or so he thought- the slim frame franticly pacing around, trying to solve things, or laying flat on his back hands under his chin all wrapped up in his mind palace. 

One time John had walked in chattering happily while he carried two cups of steaming coffee chattering that if the detective would not eat on a case at least he should drink. Only to see Sherlock’s form disappear right affront of his eyes, leaving an empty chair behind. 

Crying he had fallen onto his knees clutching the blood stained scarf in his hands ‘’God it still smelled like him’’ 

Also the nightmares had come back. They were more vivid than before. A thousand times and in a thousand ways he had seen the raven haired male die. And it ended every time with him falling affront of his feet, skull cracked open and blood pouring from the wound. But atleast in those dreams he could see him again. 

Yes the blonde male had some good days, he even attempted –and failed- at dating again. But life without Sherlock was not living, it was just existing.

‘’come on John… you know you want to’’ one of the voices purred. 

Blue dull eyes staring onto the distance Johns hand absentmindedly held the blue scarf. 

‘’DO IT.DO IT…DO IT..DEAD DEAD DEAD… HE IS DEAD" Never coming back… blood… oh god no…. so much blood’’ 

The phone rang again And as John glanced sideways he saw Mycrofts name. The other Holmes was just as clever as his late brother and he had known for a while John was going downhill. No doubt the dramatic weight loss was a dead giveaway. 

John had noticed the worried looks, Mrs Hudson, and all the othes had given him but the doctor ignored it, he did not want sympathy. 

Then standing up he finally made up his mind and he walked towards the window and for the millionth time he wondered how the world could just move on? The most brilliant man ever alive was gone forever.  
And worst of all , almost everyone was now convinced he was liar and a fake Thanks to kitty and her venomous articles.

But the doctor knew he was NOT! Oh if only they could see who Sherlock had truly been. 

And for a flash John remembered Sherlock's wonderful smile. It had been a rare thing but when the detective smiled it had lit up the room. The man had put up so many wall though his life. But the blogger did see the caring man underneath. 

How could they doubt him?... Moriarty had been the one who lied and deceived.  
His alter ego Richard Brook a lie and fraud.  
No one could convince John otherwise, ever. 

A sad smile tugged the blondes lips as he remembered the way he and Sherlock had met, and how utterly surprised the dark haired male reacted at the mention of him being brilliant.

So many people had told him to piss off.   
But Oh John had seen the lonely boy underneath. The boy trying to be so clever and trying help but always being pushed away. 

"No wonder why he became so harsh towards the world ’’ he had thought then. And after that somewhere, in a short time they had became best friends.. and after that lovers.  
Many night had been spend laughing, cudeling and making love. They were two halves of s whole and loved each other without holding back.

And then, Sherlock Holmes had died for him. Not only for him., but for all of them. EVEN those that did not believe in him.   
Every day the doctor blamed himself.  
Had he not loved him enough ?  
Was there any way he might have saved him ?  
Uttering a pained sigh a tear trickled down his cheek.

"ENOUGH" he thought as the pain sliced through his soul, almost knocking the breath out of him. 

No more.

‘’Come on .. I know you want to.. join him… Yes John.. join me’’ And johns eyes widened in shock as the last voice was the warm baritone of Sherlock. 

The phone rang again but the male ignored it. Grabbing a chair he stepped on it and attached the blue scarf to the ceiling 

"Awww jumping just like he did.. and with his scarf ..adorable’’ the voices crooned on, mocking him. 

With trembling hands John tied the scarf into makeshift noose, making sure that it would hold him. Just as he tied it around his neck he thought he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. But as it became silent again John took one last breath and jumped kocking the chair over.

"Sherlock I am coming for you, I am sorry love so so sorry I could not save..you"

These were the doctors last thoughts. It hurted only for a moment as immediately John's neck broke.

But what the blonde did not know was that Sherlock would not be there waiting in death. 

John would not know that Mycroft was calling him to tell him Sherlock was on his way home.   
That all of Moriarty’s henchmen were dead. That he, Mrs Hudson and Lestrade were save now. 

John would never know that it was Sherlock coming up the stairs a huge smirk on his face, happy to be home again.   
The detective was right behind the door suddenly nervous and anctious trying to figure out a way to come back into his best friends life, or rather former lover after such a long time of faking his death. 

John would not know that Sherlock would never forgive himself for that moment of hesitance as that was the moment John had jumped. Shocked the dark haired man stood there watching his blogger hanging limp.   
"John.. oh god John what did you do?!" 

Gasping through his tears he genly touched Johns wrist trying to find a pulse, Although he knew he would find none. Then after taking several deep breaths he then carefully cut his limp body from the ceiling, falling to his knees tears streaming down his face cradling Johns dead body.  
How would you describe me John?Resourcefull?Dynamic?Enigmatic  
\------LATE------

On the hidden camera Mycroft watched the scene unfold in horror, Knowing that he would not plan for one funeral but two


End file.
